I wake in the morning feeling empty.
All I want is to have you here. All I want is to have you here
And I hope these words find you well.
I’ll be here sitting by myself.
Meet Matthew from Secret Shame, the bass-thumping, synth-slinging maestro who moonlights as XOR (pronounced “ex-or”). Before XOR became his latest gig, Matthew was the musical equivalent of a secret agent, slipping in and out of aliases like a pro. Then, in a twist that could only come from the mind of someone who’s spent too much time toggling between bass lines and binary, he names his new venture after a logic gate. Inspired by his sudden dive into the world of code, XOR symbolizes not just Matthew’s geeky side but also the delightful contradictions of his life. Here’s a guy who tried to ditch the digital for a decade, dreaming of a cabin in the woods, only to swing back, write some slick software, and plug right back into the electronic beat.
In his latest single Waiting, a poignant ballad about the agony of long-distance love, the artist delves into the profound longing for a cherished one’s company, laying bare the challenges and heartache that come with separation. The lyrics, steeped in a sea of mementos, capture the overwhelming desire to reconnect, to bask in the sound of their voice, and to bridge the gap that keeps them apart, underscoring the emotional weight carried by distance. For those who have been there, it brings a tear to the eye. This wistful, sentimental track resonates with echoes of Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark, Soft Cell, Aztec Camera, and the Thompson Twins.
“I wrote this song for my partner,” he says. “We’d gone from being around each other non-stop during lockdown to me being away on tour a large part of the year. It’s hard to navigate being on the road so much and having a life at home. No matter how often we call or text, it just isn’t the same as being around someone and sharing a life with them.”
Listen to “Waiting” below:
“I usually write the music for a song before the lyrics, which might be why a lot of what I write ends up being instrumental,” he continues. “I had this song like 80% musically done when Secret Shame went on tour last spring and was listening to it on repeat wearing headphones in the van thinking of what to write about.”
XOR spent the last few years self-releasing several EPs spanning from house to ambient, darkwave to chillwave. He has also released a handful of official and unofficial remixes for many artists, including Secret Shame, Cold Choir, and Shadow Age; and produced beats for hip-hop artists. In recent years, Matthew began exploring the world of modular synthesizers, reshaping mundane days of remote work into impromptu compositions he would later live-stream against sunsets or amidst the flowers in his garden.
In 2023, XOR also released the EP beyond the tall trees somewhere. Branching out from his previously more straightforward darkwave, the five tracks explore the complexities of human existence, the nebulous boundaries between natural and artificial, and the discomfort of existing in a dying world.
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